New lessons from dirty diapers and throw up

I got a call from my sister in law early part of last week. She was going out of town for several days and her baby sitter plans had fell through. Her girls are ten, three, and one. It has been a LONG time since I have cleaned dirty diapers much less watched over kids for several days. At first, I didn’t want to do it. I felt inadequate. Fear was rising up in me from all the what ifs and scenarios of things going wrong. Due to my sin and consequences of my sin, I am still looking for a job. At the time of her call, I had $4.69 in the bank. There were times in the previous two weeks when I could not meet someone for lunch, go to church, or to celebrate recovery on Tuesday night due to limited finances. After talking with my sister, I decided that if this is how the Lord was trying to bless me who am I to say no because it is not how or what I thought should happen.

I challenge you to find one time in Scripture where any person other than Jesus Christ saw his or her plan work out just as they had imagined. Did Moses imagine the work of the red sea? What about Jonah being saved from the sea by a giant fish swallowing him? Do you think Saul thought he would encounter Jesus Christ on the road Damascus? Any idea what was in store for Zacheus when he climbed the tree? What was Gideon thinking when he hid in the well? Did the prostitute Rahab ever think she would be in the lineage of Jesus Christ after the life she lived as a harlot? Then there was the one little boy who brought his small lunch of bread and fish. Jesus took it, gave thanks, then fed the thousands gathered and even had left overs.

Here is a big moment of transparency for me with my two greatest struggles in recovery. I care what others think and have placed my value in their opinion or appreciation of things I have done. Secondly, in the past I have attempted to use my survival skills from abuse to predetermine any outcome that I possibly could. I based my obedience to the Lord on whether or not He was going to use me as I thought was best. How foolish and wicked of me.

There is no part of God that needs any part of me to be ALL that He is. However, I need Him to be who He has called me to be. Psalm 139 talks of how the Lord knew me before I was born. He saw me formed in the secret place. Before I ever breathed, He knew the number of my days. I cannot hide from Him. The darkest night is like daylight to Him. I love what Ezekiel tells the people of Israel about their rebellion and God restoring them in Chapter 36:22-23

“Therefore say to the house of Israel, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you have gone. 23 I will show the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, the name you have profaned among them. Then the nations will know that I am the LORD, declares the Sovereign LORD, when I show myself holy through you before their eyes.

When we talk about all things working for our good or God knowing the plans to prosper us giving us a future and a hope, that future, that good, or that hope could be the sufferings of Christ that will bring only God the Father glory. I am not attempting to compare dirty diapers to Christ sufferings but Baby Lily through out a green atomic stink blowup that had me on my knees at 3 am asking God to give me strength and endurance. That is not a joke.

I have the privilege of meeting with a very dear friend each week. He reminds me that one of the goals in God’s economy is for us to live out God’s glory whether anyone every notices or sees us showing compassion, offering a kind word, pursuing grace full speed, or simply keeping our mouth shut and laying our cares at the feet of Jesus.

Zachariah 4:10 “Who despises the day of small things?

Whether it is a dirty diaper, folding chairs, rebuking a gossip, praying for your enemies, or giving the last two pennies to the Lord, Do not despise the small things because that is where God seeks to lay the foundation in our hearts and life.


I am a believer and follower of Jesus Christ. I am embracing the brokenness of my sin and sin nature, that apart from God through the work of Jesus Christ, I can do nothing. I am a work in progress surrounded by people who love the Lord. I want to know my story and be able to see Christ and myself in others.

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Posted in Grace

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